


Until my heart is black and blue

by Chronicles_of_Scout



Series: You Wouldn't Like Me [5]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Communication Failure, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Fluff, Kalex, Short nightmare sequence in beginning, good advice, romantic kalex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22346728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronicles_of_Scout/pseuds/Chronicles_of_Scout
Summary: Alex still has nightmares but she realizes real quick her lone wolf routine doesn't work with in happily ever after.Part of You Wouldn't Like Me Series
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Series: You Wouldn't Like Me [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1324046
Comments: 14
Kudos: 89





	Until my heart is black and blue

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this back in like Oct? Then kept adding to it and now... just felt like it was ready to post. It was originally meant to be an end but then I wrote two other things in this verse and scrapped that idea so... enjoy the very long not end.
> 
> Song: Andy Grammer- Don't give up on me

Alex blinks slowly, staring across the room to where Kara is strapped down to the floor by some sort of metal chains.Her girlfriend isn’t struggling—can’t struggle.The complete rigidity of her confinement held her in an odd position, her mouth muzzled by a metal plate.

The entire image made rage flood Alex’s body and she knew without a doubt that CADMUS was to blame for this.It launched her into action, her feet thudding across the floor a she ran towards Kara, sliding on her knees when she reached her, fingers already searching for seams and clasps.

Eye’s blown wide in seeming shock, Kara could do little more than watch as Alex tried to figure out how to get her out of here.A quick glance around the room showed nothing of import.There was a small grey table to Alex’s right with a set of chairs on either side, a wide glass window shadowed behind it.The walls, also grey in color, held no decoration or sign of use.In fact, if it weren’t for the distinctive dent in the shape of a head near the door, Alex wouldn’t have even known this was her favorite interrogation room.

She’d told J’onn it had sentimental value.

“It’s ok.”She breathes to Kara, returning her attention to her fingers and the small seam she’s found.Her nails dig in and Alex is slowly able to pull the metal back.“It’s ok baby.I’m here; we’re gonna get you out of here ok?”

The plate has just started to fold back, revealing Kara’s mouth, when the blonde whips her head back out of Alex’ hands and screams.

A microsecond after their skin has disconnected, Alex watches electricity race up Kara’s limbs.It’s over before she can blink but it’s enough that it leaves Kara panting and sobbing.

Alex grabs her again, pulling her head up and cradling her cheeks in her palm.

“It’s ok.It’s ok Kara, I’ve got you.Look at me,” Alex pleads desperately, fingers digging into Kara’s skin.Her head feels hot and she can’t seem to stop shaking.She wants to continue removing the chains, but she can’t stop shaking.This is a nightmare; she hasn’t had this issue since before she’d stopped drinking and—a nightmare.That’s what this is.CADMUS is gone; this is just a dream.

With a renewed sense of purpose, Alex tilts Kara’s head up.“Hey honey, look at me.Look at me Kara; open your eyes for me baby.”

Kara does, her eyes watery as tears track down her cheeks.Alex kisses her, knowing instinctively that if she doesn’t something bad will happen.A suffocating fear has started to set in deep in her bones and she can’t help trying to pull Kara closer to her. __

_This is a dream.This is a dream.This is a dream._

Her hands slide back, thick blonde hair weaving through her fingers and making her heart race.Kara whimpers and it sends a bolt of panic through Alex.

_This is wrong.This isn’t what was supposed to happen_.

She was supposed to save her.She was meant to—

Her brain has stopped working, logically she knows that she should be doing _something,_ but she can’t figure out what that is.She can’t think.Her head is literally just blank.

They’re going to die. ( _No.No.No.It’s a dream.It’s a dream goddammit!_ )

She knows they’re going to die.( _Wake up.Please wake up!)_

Pressing her forehead against Kara’s, Alex forces her own expression into one of reassurance.It doesn’t matter that she herself is near tears so long as Kara believes she has nothing to fear.

“I love you.I love you Kara.”

_Please.Please, please, please!_

The blonde groans, eyes rolling into the back of her skull as another wave of electricity courses through her.Alex feels it soon after, her fingertips lighting on fire and making the small hairs along her arms stand on end.

There’s one moment of excruciating pain and then—

~*~

A mug of steaming hot tea thuds gently in front of her, Kara wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pressing a kiss to her temple in greeting.

“They’re out of coffee but they had a hot water kettle and some caffeinated tea bags.”Nuzzling her temple, Kara sighs.“I know it’s not the same, but it should help until I can get you back to bed.”

Smirking, Alex pulls the mug closer and places her own kiss on the skin of Kara’s forearm.

“Is that a promise?Because I’m liking where your head is at Zor-El.”

“Hmph.” Kara huffs, wrapping her other arm around Alex and resting her chin on her head.“You wish.You need rest not sex.”

“Everyone needs sex.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I can make that happen.”Alex promises, tilting her head back so Kara can see the lascivious grin on her face.

The blonde rolls her eyes and drops her head to Alex’s shoulder.“Stop.The flirting is nice but not when you’re just doing it to be all avoidy.”

It’s Alex’s turn to huff.While she can appreciate Kara’s concern, she also hates when her fiancée brings up personal matters outside.And, since they are currently touring child-friendly locations for Kalasin’s sixth birthday party, she’d rather this topic of conversation were shelved for home.

“My mom planned my sixth birthday for Space camp.”Alex remarks instead of biting.She waves a hand around the falsely cheery room, with the unicorns and the poms poms and the pink.“I would have barfed all over something like this.”

“You’re the one who suggested “something like this”.”

Kara’s messing with Alex’s hair now, allowing the topic change as easily as she usually does.It’s not lost on Alex how absolutely lucky she is.She spins on the stool she’s perched on, turning her back to the receptionist counter while they wait for a tour of the party room.

“I said something “girly” not something nausea inducing.”

Chuckling, Kara tugs on her ear and easily complies when Alex pulls her half into her lap.“Pink does not equal nausea.Besides, Kally really likes pink.”

Sitting here, Kara wrapped around her like a cuddly blanket, Alex can almost forget what’s been plaguing her mind.

“No, she really likes green.”

“That was last week.”

“What?”

“She liked green because Felicity sent her all of those Kermit the Frog memes.But now she’s back on pink because Kitai made her a pink sword.”

Alex’s eyes, previously closed in contentment, snap open.“She did what?”

“I don’t know why you insist on being shocked,” Kara sighs, “you already know Kitai is going to do these things.”

“Then you should stop letting her hang out with Katu!”

“You try getting either of them to stop doing something.Besides, one of _your_ friends is Kitai’s girlfriend; girlfriend trumps sister when it comes to accountability.”

“Since when?”Alex snorts, pulling back and looking up at Kara.

“Since all of our friends are responsible adults and you should stop seeing swords as dangerous.”

There’s a brief pause where they just look at each other, Kara’s eyes filled with enough mirth that Alex has to fight her own smile.

“That,” she finally argues, hand slinking to curve around Kara’s neck and tug her down.“Is not a thing.”

Kara closes the distance between them, nibbling on Alex’s bottom lip and sneaking a hand under her sweater.Which was so not playing fair.Alex feels that one touch right in her crotch, and presses into Kara harder.It would have devolved into something wholly inappropriate were it not for Kara pressing a hand to her stomach and standing up.

With one final nip, Kara pulls away completely, playful smile in place.

“Down girl.”

Alex’s mouth drops open but a second later a woman is hurrying over to them, all flustered hands and stacks of papers.There’s a tour that Alex doesn’t pay much attention to, mostly because of Kara’s hands randomly finding naked patches of skin, but also because the place would make even Felicity hurl.

No way was Stitch going to like this.

“It doesn’t even have laser tag.”Alex complains as they head back to the car.“What kind of kids party doesn’t even have laser tag.”

“Your obsession with guns is mildly concerning.”

“I think a VR party would be way cooler.”Alex says, completely ignoring Kara’s unsolicited opinion and opening the passenger door for her.“We could get that lightsaber pack; stage duels.”

Kara rolls her lips, eyes narrowing as she slides into the passenger seat.“You want to have duels?For 6 six-year old’s?”

“You’re the one who keeps telling me to stop judging Kally by her age.”Alex takes her own seat on the driver’s side, clicking in her seat belt before reversing out of the lot.“Besides, she loves swords, right?”

“I just think it’s a little hypocritical that you would allow a lightsaber party, but you scoff at her training with her aunt: the best swordswoman in Kryptonian history.”

“I could take her.”Alex grumbles, referring to Kitai and her well known prowess.

“I have no doubt baby.”

It’s kind that Kara says so even though they both know that Kitai would hand Alex her ass on a plate if she so much as tried to raise a weapon against her.It’s the thought that counts.

Kara’s hand finds its way back into Alex’s hair, the fingers of her prosthetic taking notes on the venue they had just vacated in her notebook.

It’s a comfortable ride, and eventually Alex realizes that some of her earlier tension has eased.

She should probably go in for a therapy session soon, but she actually feels a little better already.

Unable to keep the smile from her lips, she reaches back and takes Kara’s hand from her hair to pull it to her mouth.

“Thank you.”She mutters, kissing the palm before curling her fingers around Kara’s.“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

~*~

She calls her therapist that night.

~*~

“You didn’t ask for a plasma analysis for the Borok that came in yesterday.”

Alex is very busy.She’s got a ball in one hand and is swirling in her swivel chair while contemplating her latest therapy session.Dr. McKay thinks that her dreams of tortured!Kara are an underlying problem that she has yet to resolve; namely the lack of control she has in protecting Kara from everything.

It’s an impossibility, which she definitely understands but, at the same time… 

Protecting Kara was her job; it’s all she’s wanted to do since she was a kid and now that she has Kara, she doesn’t quite know how to _not_ protect her.Especially because the girl is a magnet for trouble.

And now they’ve got Kalasin which is just—

“ _Alexandra_!”Eliza thumps a packet of papers down on Alex’s desk, reaching out a hand and stopping Alex mid-spin.“Are you listening to me?”

“Of course.”

No.

Eliza rolls her eyes and plants her hands on her hips.“The plasma analysis for the Borok?Why wasn’t it done?”

Oh.

“Borok’s don’t have plasma, they have a gel that turns into batrachotoxin when exposed to air so I thought I wouldn’t expose the entire department to death for a common cold.”

Eliza squints at her.

“Your department consists of you and Ni.”

“And Frank.”

“And Frank.”Eliza allows, rubbing between her brows.“How—"

“—Frank’s an important staff member too mom.”

“—do you know it’s a common cold?”

“Ni told me.”

“Of course she did.”

“Don’t say it like that.”Alex tosses the ball up, annoyed when Eliza snatches it from the air.“Western science isn’t the only thing that works you know?”

“Obviously.On a scale of one to superiority I’d even say we fall on the lower spectrum when involving alien technology but that doesn’t mean we skip steps because our colleagues tell us to.”Eliza shakes her head, “did you create a new protocol since this one isn’t compatible?A way for people _other_ than Ni to diagnose and treat said cold?”

No… she had not.

“Yes…”

Picking up her folder, Eliza gently wacks Alex in the head and shakes the papers warningly.“Figure it out Alex.This is a hospital not a—”

They’re interrupted by a knock on Alex’s door, a police officer standing awkwardly in the entryway.

“Dr. Danvers?”

“Yes?”Eliza answers, brows raising curiously.

The cop stares at her, brow furrowed before his gaze slowly slinks over to Alex and back.“Um… Alexandra Danvers?”

It’s Alex’s turn to raise her eyebrows and Eliza immediately whirls on her.

“What did you do?”Eliza hisses panic-scared in that way only her mother could perfect.

“I stole a candy bar in 10th grade.”Alex whispers back.

“What?”Eliza asks, genuinely confused.

“Nothing.”Alex says in her normal volume, standing and smoothing a hand down her front.“Officer what seems to be—”

“We just need you to take custody of your kid ma’am.”

“My… Kalasin?”

A cold block of ice settles in her stomach and it’s all she can do to not freak out.

Kalasin was with Kara.Why would she need to take custody of Kalasin?

“She’s right in your waiting room with our social worker.We just need you to sign that you have her and show us some ID.”

“Where’s my… um Kara Zorel?Was there—”

“She’s still in lockup ma’am.Judge is setting bail so….”

The rest of the words are lost in the roar of panic-scared that settles over Alex at the word ‘lockup’.

What.

The.

Fuck.

~*~

It’s almost midnight by the time Alex makes it home.Maggie had pulled a lot of strings and Lucy had come in full lawyer garb to pull it off, but they had finally gotten Kara released.It was an accomplishment that she had never thought she’d have to be grateful for.

Kalasin squirms in her sleep when Kara closes their front door just a bit too loudly and it’s all Alex can do not to yell at her.

A venomous glare will have to do.

Kara bites her lip and slowly twists their lock so that it’s inaudible.

“Sorry.”She whispers.Kara hesitates, takes a step forward and reaches out for Kalasin.“I can put her down if—”

“I’ve got it.”Alex hisses, cradling Kalasin’s head and trying not to stomp her way across the house.

Kalasin remains asleep as Alex changes her into pajamas and tucks her in, a trait she has definitely inherited from Kara.Kryptonians could sleep like the dead.

It’s only when Kalasin’s room door is closed, the red sunlight emitters on so that her super hearing doesn’t interrupt her sleep, that Alex returns to face her rogue fiancée.

Kara is in the kitchen of course, stress eating her way through a box of donuts.When Alex enters the room, she immediately stands, wiping her sugar-coated hands on her sweater and chewing at superspeed to clear her mouth.

“I know you’re mad,” she starts, hands up placatingly, “but if you could just listen me for like one second…”

“You got arrested.”

“Yeah; that was bad but—”

“You got arrested with our _kid_!”

“Alex… just—breathe.”

“Breathe?”Alex fists her hands, fighting the urge to hit something as her blood pumps through her ears.“That’s the angle you wanna go with?”

Kara bites her lip, her shoulders drooping slightly as a look of defeat crosses her face.

“Kalasin asked me to.”

Alex hasn’t had a drink in almost two years.She’s been sober.She’s gone to her meetings.She’s gone to therapy.It’s amazing how quickly she wants to throw that all away with that simple statement from Kara.

Kalasin asked me to.

Kalasin.

The _six-year-old_.

The fucking child.

They don’t have any liquor.Alex didn’t want the temptation and Kara didn’t drink.The many guests that they had over, had somehow all formed an “Supers Against lntoxication” group and wouldn’t dream of bringing the “poison” into the house.

Seriously; there were meetings and everything to figure out different beverages that would liven up a party without the intoxication part.They held them in the living room specifically to annoy Alex.

This?What was happening right now?Way more annoying.

Instead of liquor, Alex rips the fridge open and grabs a bottle of Virgil’s from “her” shelf.Kara made sure to keep it stocked special for her because there were at least three Kryptonians around at any given time and they would eat everything in sight.

The black cherry flavor is barely refreshing but she needs _something_ because it’s been a hell of a long time since she’s been this angry.

“You know when they called me in, I thought you’d gotten mixed up in some bad heroics.A robbery gone wrong—”

“Alex—”

“—Or even that you’d fought off some new evil threat.Maybe I don’t know?THAT FUCKING CADMUS WAS BACK!”

“Alex!”Kara’s voice is low but firm, a red flush creeping over her cheeks as some of her own frustration spills over.“Lower your voice!”

“Lower—Are you fucking nuts?Do you have any idea what it was like?Having a cop show up on your doorstep and not knowing what the fuck happened?!”

“I’m sorry!It’s not like I _planned_ this—”

“No!You never plan _anything!_ Did you even _think_ Kara?!Did you even—”

“Kalasin—”

“IS A CHILD!”Vaguely Alex is aware that Wren has entered the room, that the Nalger is whining and tugging on her shoestrings.But she’s too far gone.She’d been _terrified_ of what she would find when she got to that police station.Terrified that they wouldn’t be able to get Kara out and all for it to be over… what?A pretty picture Kalasin wanted to draw on the side of a private building?“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES!YOU NEVER HAVE!”

“Boundaries!?”Kara scoffs, arms crossing protectively over her chest.Alex sees the way her fingers dig into her arms, the grip that would break a normal person.She doesn’t care.“She’s had to deal with that her whole life!She deserves to be _free—”_

“NEWSFLASH KARA: VANDALISM DOES NOT GIVE YOU FREEDOM!”

Eliza hurries into the kitchen, her hands knotting her robe as she looks between the two of them in alarm.

“Girls!”

Kara at least, looks contrite, paling under her flush and giving a new pinched sort of look.Alex hates it.She hates all of it.

“Lower your voices.”Eliza warns, eyes narrowing at them both.“This is completely—”

“You’re the worst mother I’ve ever seen.”Alex spits, the anger and fear she’s been feeling unstoppable at their height.

Eliza’s mouth drops open.

Kara’s eyes widen.

Wren lets go of her shoelaces.

“You’re terrible at it; you act like a child yourself and you expect her to grow up normal?”Alex shakes her head, forcefully putting down the bottle in her hands when they shake so bad she risks dropping it.“Our kid isn’t—”

“My kid.”

Alex sees red; she’s never been this angry before and it honestly makes no sense for her to be this angry over this.Somewhere in her head, there’s a little Alex telling her to back down; that this is getting way out of hand.

Angry Alex is much more appealing.

“Excuse me?”She seethes, taking a step around the counter and putting her directly in front of Kara.

Kara who seems to be done cowering or trying to reason.Alex can see she’s angry too and a part of her is glad for it.She wants her to be angry.She wants her to feel just as badly as she had for the past few hours.

“Kalasin is _my_ daughter.”Kara’s eyes are ringed with a soft blue glow, she’s so angry.Lips pressed thin, her fingers press even tighter and the fabric under her fingers begins to tear.“And I won’t put her in some imaginary cave so that you can feel good about being a mother.So if you have an issue with how I choose to raise _my_ child, then we can leave.”

Tiny Alex begs.

Angry Alex gets angrier.

_Her daughter._ As if everything Alex had done—had _given up_ , meant nothing!

Her shoulders raise almost of their own volition and later she’ll replay the moment in slow motion.Remember every minute detail: the way her brows had risen carelessly, the nonchalant shrug, the gesture towards the door.

“Then go.Doors always open.”

It had been a dare she’d realize; one she had been certain Kara wouldn’t take her up on.She’d stared into watery blue eyes for what seemed like an eternity before Kara had coughed out a wet chuckle.

Turning to a shocked Eliza, Kara had quirked her lips and shook her head.

“Uh I’m just… really sorry Eliza;” She’d swallowed when her voice had wobbled, the muscles in her neck flexing, straining. Her arms had dropped to her sides, swinging uselessly. “I didn’t mean to wake you.We’ll be gone in just a minute and you can go back to bed.”

Wren whines and Alex stares blankly ahead, seeing the rumpled pale-yellow fabric of Kara’s jacket in her hazy vision.Everything has sort of narrowed down to this needle point of fine detail, and it’s taking everything in her to just remember that breathing is a prerequisite to life.

She hears Eliza telling Kara not to go and Kara muttering more apologies and then suddenly, Kara’s at the door with a sleepy eyed Kalasin.

Stitch is clearly confused but when Kara tells her to say goodbye she does so without question.

It isn’t until the door clicks shut behind them that she feels the tsunami of anger and hurt disappear as quickly as a tidal wave.It sucks everything out of her, leaving her dry and gasping for air.

She hears Eliza calling her, but it sounds like she’s under water.She can’t understand her.

~*~

Alex goes into work the next day, but she doesn’t really remember what she’s does. Everything she’d handled had been done on autopilot.

Luckily, Eliza hadn’t yet left her side so she’s fairly certain that anything she had fucked up, her mother had fixed.

Which was good.

Having someone erase your mistakes after you’d made them.

Alex had thought she’d grown up enough not to need that anymore but as she sits in her office, she very badly wishes there was a way to erase the past twenty-four hours.

Kara hasn’t called and neither had Kalasin.

Katu had stopped by earlier.She hadn’t said anything; had waited patiently in the waiting room for Alex to come out and then punched her solidly in the face.

No powers, just fist; and then she’d walked out like it was normal.

The ice bag in her hand makes a crinkling sound as she adjusts herself, the smarting right side of her face a minor inconvenience compared to everything else that had happened.

She’d told Kara to leave.

She’d told Kara that she could leave with Kalasin; had basically kicked her small family out in the middle of the night.

And over what?

When she’d arrived at the police station yesterday, she’d been beside herself.Her recent dreams of Kara back at CADMUS had sent her into a panicked tizzy and all she could think about was getting her out.Maggie had heard about the arrest of course and had met her at the front desk.

It had only been because Maggie had pulled some strings and she’d been allowed to see Kara, that she’d been able to calm down long enough for Lucy to work her magic.

Unfortunately, Maggie couldn’t just drop the charges.The building that Kara and Kalasin had been caught drawing on was a new multimillion-dollar acquisition courtesy of one Paul Rice.The real estate guru was not known for his clemency and his lawyers had been intent on prosecuting to the fullest extent of the law.

And if they had gotten to the prison part, to the part where a medical exam was required…

Lucy had called Cat and Lena straight away, needing money to back her play.Then she’d sat down with the lawyers for _hours_ talking compensation in lieu of a prison sentence.She’d talked to them long enough that the judge hadn’t been able to hear their arguments.

And, at the very last second, Cat Grant had swooped in and convinced Rice to drop the charges.Alex is fairly certain she’d blackmailed him, but she wasn’t— _isn’t_ —going to complain.

It had taken another 2 hours to process all of the paperwork and that was _with_ Maggie sorting everything out and speeding it along.

Alex had done enough therapy to be able to process her reaction.

1.She’d been sleep deprived.Ever since the dreams had started, she’d been snagging no more than a few hours a night.Caffeine helped, but that only went so far.And a brain that was tired was a brain that was prone to overreacting, anger, and stupidity.

2.She’d been angry that Kara had not only committed a misdemeanor, but that she had done so with Kalasin.And not just with Kalasin _present,_ but _with_ Kalasin.As in the little girl had been the one painting the mural.A criminal record at the age of six was never something Alex had even imagined she’d have to worry about.

3.She’d been scared… she doesn’t think she’s ever stopped being scared since Kara came back but somehow… this was so much worse.

None of her sudden enlightenment makes her feel any better.

None of it makes what she had done ok.

It would never be ok.

She’d called Kara a bad mom and that was inherently untrue.Nothing she’d ever say would be able to fix that.

_My kid._

Kalasin wasn’t hers; not biologically.When it came down to it… Kara’s opinions took precedent.Alex was way lower in the hierarchy.

Kara equals Mother.

Alex equals … stepmother maybe.

Frank pages her back to the front and she drops her ice pack on her desk, stiffly making her way to the waiting room.

Frank hands her a chart for a Yurilian female complaining of chest pains but, when Alex turns to find the patient, she finds herself staring into the eyes of one Kitai Zor-El.

Because of course her day could only get worse.

Kitai doesn’t move or flinch and she doesn’t have a weapon on her, but she still seems largely… displeased.

“I would like a moment of your time.”Kitai states, hands clasped loosely in front of her, “when you are done with your patient.”

“Are they with you?”Alex manages, her chest feeling like it’s collapsing in on itself.“I haven’t heard… did they stay over or…?”

She’d asked Katu the same question earlier, but the woman had flipped her off and left without answering.

Not that Alex blamed her.

Alex had hurt her best friend: solidarity was to be expected.

Kitai, at least, seems more amenable and she shrugs powerful shoulders.She’s loose but Alex can still sense the underlying anger there.

“They stayed with my mother; they arrived last night.”

Alex nods because she can’t think of anything else to do.“Ok; good.That’s… I’ll be done soon.”

The Yurilian has a dog allergy.

Alex prescribes her some antihistamines and tells her to stay away from the furry creatures.Given the way the alien gives a distracted nod while scrolling through puppy pictures, she has serious doubts that she’ll actually be listened to.

Eliza finds her in her office after, pacing back and forth in front of her desk and trying not to tear her hair out.

“Kitai is still waiting.”Eliza says, eyes tracking Alex across the room.“I can ask her to leave if you want.”

Alex snorts and crosses her arms.“Yeah, that’d be a great look.Another Danvers kicking out a Zor-El.”

“I’m not going to let you get hit again.”

The least of her worries.

“Mom…”

She shakes her head, unable to even try to put her thoughts together.

“Alex,” Eliza starts softly, “there are worse crimes than vandalism.”

“You think I don’t know that?!”

“Then what are you doing?Who exactly are you punishing?”

“I don’t know!”Alex falls into her chair, her head dropping low between her knees and fingers carding through her hair.“I don’t—I… I don’t fucking know.I fucked up, ok?Fuck—I…I don’t know.”

Eliza sighs and a second later there’s the soft sound of the lock turning, Eliza turning on the privacy protocols that will eliminate those of the superhearing variety from eavesdropping.Alex had designed it with Winn’s help because Kalasin and Jonathon “magically” kept guessing what presents they’d be getting.

Alex loved Jon with all of her heart, but that kid was a _bad_ influence when it came to spying on the adults.He had no sense of boundaries.Never mind that Alex had been the one to teach him most of what he knew, the point remained that now that she had her own kid, she’d appreciate a little privacy.

Clark had laughed in her face.

“Felicity called.”Walking much more calmly than Alex, Eliza gracefully leans against Alex’s desk.“She heard what happened and… the building that Kara and Kally “vandalized”?It’s an old CADMUS property.”

If Alex hadn’t felt nauseas before, she definitely does now.

“Fuck.”Her stomach has taken up permanent residence in her throat, the dry acid running up along her esophagus and making her lurch back to her feet.“Fuck.”

“I don’t know why they were there Alex, but you need to fix this.You need to talk to Kara.”

“Seriously?”Alex questions, pointing at her black eye.

“Seriously.”

Disbelief courses through her, her foot tapping incessantly as she tries to understand her mother’s gall.Eliza waits patiently, making no move to touch her daughter but no move to leave either.

Her mother hadn’t yelled last night either.

Alex had expected a full blow up but Eliza, although crying, had just helped Alex to the couch and then sat with her.

All night.

In retrospect, they both should have called out of work today but having the only two alien-certified medical professionals out would have been catastrophic.

And Alex had ruined enough lives, thank you very much.

When nothing else is forthcoming from Eliza, when her mother _doesn’t_ realize that she’s being crazy and they should just accept the fact that Alex has screwed this to epic proportions, Alex lifts her head and drops her hands to her hips.

Eliza’s gaze is immutable and gives Alex absolutely zero leeway.

It’s exhausting.

She’s exhausted.

Her body slumps back against her desk in a crude imitation of her mother’s, her hands digging into the pockets of her work slacks.There’s a crumpled receipt in one, and her wallet is in the other.

In her wallet, she remembers suddenly and with a gut-wrenching clarity, is a photo of Kara and Kalasin.She can see the picture in her mind’s eye: her girls sleeping, cuddled together in bed with Kara spooning Kalasin’s tiny body as identical lax expressions coat their features.

It’s Alex’s favorite photo.

Sniffling and wiping at a stray tear, Alex shrugs miserably.

“What am I supposed to say?You were there mom, you know—What I said was unforgiveable.”

Eliza doesn’t even miss a beat.“To who?”

“To anyone with ears.”Alex grits, “Or should I remind you of the pissed off Kryptonian waiting to ground my bones to dust.”

Eliza waves a dismissive hand.“Kitai is harmless.”

“Tell that to the human woman she chopped into pieces.”

“Lillian Luthor was a monster who deserved far worse.”Alex grunts but doesn’t disagree.Eliza nudges her gently and waits until Alex finally looks at her.“Oh, my girl… Alex are you really afraid of Kitai?”

“No.”Yes, but that wasn’t the real reason she was hiding in her office.It takes her a second to find her words but once she starts, it’s like word vomit.“Kalasin is _mine.”_ The words make a fresh wave of tears fall and she has to bat Eliza’s hands away when her mother reaches out to comfort her.“She’s mine. _And_ she’s Kara’s and I get that.I get that Kara is her biological mom and that I’m… not, but—God mom, I love her like she’s mine.I love her so much and I—it’s like someone just carved a piece of my heart out and put it in this little person and she’s just walking around in the world and it’s _dangerous_ and I—I can’t protect her; I can’t always be there to protect her.And no matter what, I mean there’s always gonna be danger, but I may not be able to be there for her and that’s…”

“Welcome to motherhood.”Eliza says softly.“That feeling never goes away.”

“She can take her.”Alex says with certainty, “Kara can take her, and I wouldn’t be able to—” she shrugs, “what right would I have to say no?”

“Do you really think Kara would do that?”

Unable to speak, Alex barely manages a headshake before Eliza is pulling her into a hug.And Eliza gives really good hugs but, right now, all Alex wants is to feel Kara around her.To hold her girl in her arms.

“You are Kalasin’s mother.”Eliza says fervently, “and there is no one who would question your place in her life.Kara included.You were both upset and you both said… just _hurtful_ things.She didn’t really mean to say that… just like _you_ didn’t mean to call her a bad mom.”

“It’s unforgiveable.What I said.And did.She _should_ hate me.”

“She doesn’t.”

“She should.”

“She won’t.”Alex has to bite her lip to stop the sob that wants to break from her chest.“Sweetheart,” Eliza tries, “I have a feeling we weren’t just talking about Kalasin back there.”

Another moment and she’s regained control of her faculties, gently peeling herself away from Eliza and grabbing a few tissues to wipe her face.

“Kara’s a big girl.”She sniffles instead of directly addressing her mother’s inclination.

“She is, but you also love her.Loving someone that much can be scary.You’d do anything for them.”

“Yeah.”Alex snorts, exhaling loudly as she wipes up the last of her tears.

“Including forgive them.”Eliza smiles when Alex rolls her eyes, cupping her daughter’s face and holding her steady.“Kara loves you _just_ as much as you love her.Now I want you to ask yourself: does her saying Kalasin is hers only, make you hate her?Do _you_ want to leave?”

~*~

“I’m sorry.”Alex says, slightly out of breath as she bounds over to Kitai.

The waiting room is completely empty sans Frank and Kitai, the last of her patients either discharged or resting in a private room.

Kitai stands, poised as ever as she smooths out imaginary wrinkles in her blouse.“You are a doctor; it is understandable—"

“Not about you waiting.”Alex cuts in, wincing when she realizes what she’d said and waving her hands to defuse the situation.“I mean yes to the waiting too because: dick move, but… I was talking about Kara.I need to apologize to you because you trusted me; you gave me your blessing and you trusted that I wouldn’t hurt them, and I did.I broke that trust and I’m sorry.”

“Humans are often “sorry”.”Kitai says coolly, “I find their apologies don’t amount to much.”

“Mine do!I’m gonna talk to her.I’m going to apologize to her too because—I have a lot I need to say but I need to say it to her and I’m sorry Kitai.I’m going to make this right.I swear to you I can make this right.”

Alex is aware that Eliza enters the room shortly after, inconspicuously going over to Frank and handing him the last of the files to be shredded.

And, because Alex notices, she knows Kitai does as well.

Alex may be the jerk of the family, but her mother was it’s darling.Kitai and Astra _adored_ Eliza.Alex was half convinced that, if it weren’t for Eliza, Astra at least wouldn’t have given her blessing.She may respect Alex as a warrior, but the General was like a bear when her kids were concerned.

Kitai was a different story.The swordswoman was a walking, talking heart.She consumed knowledge the way Jon ate hotdogs: disgustingly quickly.She was open to almost anything, never judged anyone, loved life and people and adventure…

She believed in soulmates.

Her blessing had come easily and quickly with the only caveat that Alex promise to keep her sister’s heart safe.

Alex had broken that promise and, standing in front of Kitai now, she wonders if she’ll have to pay for her mistake for the rest of her life.

Eventually there’s a rough exhale and a sharp finger wag indicating that Kitai is _not_ happy and that Alex should buckle down and listen.

“It's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. You're gonna have to work at this every day, but she’ll want to do that because she wants you. She wants all of you, forever, you and her, every day.”

Huffing, Kitai gives a decisive nod and slaps her hands on her hips.

“I want her to!”Alex assures quickly, ignoring the snort of laughter behind her.This was serious!“And I know we’ll have to work at it.I have _so_ much I need to work on, my temper being one.I was so stupid and such an asshole and if you want to punch me you can because I… deserve…?What’s so funny?”

“It is from a movie!”Kitai crows, now doubled over in laughter and pointing at Alex incredulously.“You did not know that was a movie quote!”

“The Notebook.”Eliza supplies helpfully.

Mouth slightly open, Alex takes in the boisterous alien as she starts slapping her knee.This.This was why she had trust issues.

“Whatever movie it’s from,” Alex folds her arms, jaw clenching in embarrassment as Kitai’s laughter recedes.“It still holds water.I think all of that.”

“Dude,” Kitai says, sounding more machine than surf bro, “I knew that.You’ve been crying for forever.I listened.”

“That’s not invasive at all… if you knew I was sorry then what’s with the shakedown?”Kitai tilts her head in confusion.A move she uses when she is confused with an Earth term.Alex sighs, “Why are you here?”

“Oh.Right.Your kid wanted to see you.”

“Kalasin?!Where—oomph.”

Kally smiles at her brilliantly, arms wrapped tightly around Alex’s legs while she beams up at her.Wasting no time, Alex stoops and scoops her up, rocking her kid back and forth in her arms as fresh tears come to her eyes.

As quickly as her well of gratefulness comes, it disappears.Kara isn’t here.Kara would be in class if Alex remembers correctly, which meant that she may not know that Kalasin was here.

“Did your mom come with you honey?”She asks Kalasin softly, gently nudging her cheek so that they could be face to face.“Did you tell her where you were going?”

Kalasin shakes her head no, smile never dimming as she shoots a look back at her aunt.

“My Aunt brought me.”She says simply.

“Of course she did.Kitai, I seriously appreciate you doing this, but I don’t feel comfortable having her if Kara doesn’t—”

“Kalasin wanted to see her mother, I brought her to her.It is simple; only a human would complicate it.”

“It is complicated.Kara should _know_ where Kalasin is.”

“And who says she doesn’t?”

“Stitch _just_ said that you didn’t tell Kara.How could she know where she is?”

“She knows.If she had issue with this, she would have stopped it.”

“Kitai—”

“She _knows_ Alex.”Kitai insists softly, stopping the argument before it can start.“She always knows.Same way she always knows where _you_ are.”She taps the side of her head, near her ear.“We protect the ones we love.Especially our humans.”

“… what movie was that from?”

Kitai chuckles, shrugging happily.“I have not yet decided on a title.”

~*~

Alex walks Kalasin into Kitai and Astra’s loft at almost eight o’clock.They’d spent the rest of their time together doing Kalasin’s homework and eating the junk food that Kitai had sped delivered for them.Now Kalasin is joyfully signing Alex about her day, her hands quick flutters that Alex has _finally_ mastered following.

Even though she can speak now, Kalasin is still a little self-conscious about her voice.Alex usually only gets to hear her daughter when they’re at home.Which is fine.As long as Kalasin’s happy, she’s happy.Her kid seems pretty happy right now.

It’s a good day.

Kalasin fishes a key out of her pocket, when they reach the door and Alex follows in after her as they enter.

Tonight was sculpting class, which meant Kara could be out late.Kitai had left Kalasin with Alex and left to do her patrols, which left… Astra.

“Is Astra here?”

“Yes.”Kalasin replies, floating up to a cabinet and pulling out a pack of fruit snacks.“She says she can’t come down because it smells like vermin down here.”

_Smooth dig Astra,_ Alex thinks, although she secretly sniffs the air around them to be sure.

“Ok… do you mind if I wait with you until your mom comes ho… back?”

Kally beams and throws a fruit snack at her.

Alex catches it and gestures towards the living room.

“Are you and mama fighting?”Kalasin asks when they’re seated.

Or well Alex is seated.Kalasin is hovering in front of her in the lotus position.

“A little.”Alex admits, “but it’s a silly fight.I lost my temper.”

“Because of me?”Kalasin ducks her head, lower lip trembling as she switches back to sign.“I didn’t know she would get in trouble.I just wanted… I wanted to make it better.”

“Not because of you Stitch.”Alex asserts, reaching out and pulling Kalasin into her lap.“It was my fault.Your mom tried to explain, and I shut her down because I’m an asshole.That’s all there is to it.This had nothing to do with you.Your mom and I… we love you to the ends of the universe.I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

Kalasin snuggles deeper but doesn’t reply.

By the time Kara makes it home almost an hour later, they’ve made a pillow fort in the living room and are watching Peppa Pig on television.The show is a little young for Kalasin, but she’d missed out on enough that she still seemed to enjoy it.And Alex enjoyed seeing the more rude adult stuff go completely over the child’s head.

Alex is happily cuddling Kalasin against her chest when the lock turns and the door opens.Kara shoulders her way in, dropping a brown box on the counter with a dull thud.

Kalasin zips away and Alex thinks she hears Kara mutter ‘coward’ under her breath.

She’s not sure though because almost all of her attention is focused on Kara being _here._ She’s wearing a blue flannel over a white tank top and dark orange corduroy skinny jeans.Her black pumps and frumpy beanie complete the adorable mixture of tomboy and chic office attire that Kara had perfected for her sad days.

Mainly that particular look consisted of her usual outfit but with Alex’s clothes thrown haphazardly into the mix.This time it was the flannel and the beanie and seeing her in them set Alex’s heart racing.

“Hey.”She breathes, slowly standing and regarding a Kara who had her back to her and was slowly pulling the hat from her head.

“Hey.”

“I um... Stitch came to see me at the hospital.”

Kara sighs, now standing in profile and pulling the edges of the flannel shirt tight around her.“I know that Alex.You didn’t have to stay.Or help her with her homework.I could have handled that.”

“I know.”Alex swallows, fiddling with her sleeves and trying not to throw up everywhere.“I know you could I just… I like helping her and… I don’t know I just missed her.”

“I’m sorry about Katu; she blocked my hearing, or I would have stopped her.”

Alex shrugs, uncaring of the state of her face with how much else is clearly at stake.

“It’s fine.”

Kara nods, “Peppa pig?”

“Yeah…”Alex glances back at the still running television.“It’s Kalasin’s favorite so…”

She shrugs.

Kara smiles, soft and sad.

“Her favorite show is Spongebob Squarepants.She watches Peppa Pig because she thinks it’s _your_ favorite.”

“What?No.Peppa Pig is hilarious.She hung up on Suzie Sheep because Suzie could whistle and she couldn’t.Salamacoochie!”

Kara’s mouth ticks, her fingers coming up to hide the beginnings of a real smile.“I’m not saying she doesn’t like it; I’m just saying it’s not her favorite.She didn’t tell you she liked Spongebob because she thought you’d make her stop watching it.”

Now she felt like even worse shit.

“Oh… I um what did you uh, _say_ to that?”

Scrubbing a hand over her face, Kara shrugs and turns away, her voice slightly shaky.

“I told her that you loved her and that all you wanted was for her to be safe and happy.”Kara shrugs again.“I… I didn’t want her to think you were the bad guy.” 

Kara falls silent, banded arms bracing her body against the counter and still not facing Alex.

Alex wonders if _Kara_ thinks she’s the bad guy.

Now or never.

“We were assholes.”Kara spins to face her and Alex feels the heat rush over her face all the way to her ears.Still, despite her less than ideal start, she knows she needs to get this out.“Um… I, well you maybe were less of an asshole and I—I was scared.Of losing you.And I can’t—” she swallows again, unable to lift her eyes past Kara’s ankles now, pretty and bare and contrasting perfectly against her shoes.“I can’t lose you Kara.”Her breath staggers in her chest and she exhales slowly to try to pace her breathing.“It does matter to me that you’re happy and you’re safe, but I just need you breathing honey.I just—I need to be able to come home to you even if you’re _not_ happy.I love you so much and I’m so scared that I won’t be enough to protect you.”She sniffles, truly crying at this point.“Because I wasn’t enough the last times.I wasn’t enough and you almost died because of it!Champ died because of me and Mon-El—"

“No.”Kara breathes against her mouth, suddenly and comfortably pressed against her front.“No, Alex.That wasn’t your fault.That wasn’t your fault my zhao.”Alex nods her head in protest and Kara kisses her again, her mouth hard and desperate.“It wasn’t.You fought for me Alex; you fought _for_ Champ and you _loved_ Mon-El.That wasn’t your fault.None of that was your fault and it never will be.”

“If CADMUS comes back—”

“They won’t.”Kara refutes, thumbs running over Alex’s cheek bones.

“But—”Kara opens her mouth and Alex quickly continues over her, “I know you think they won’t and I know that you’re probably right and that this is completely irrational thinking but it’s just… every time I get happy with you, the world snatches you away from me.And I am…” her words break, stumbling over each other, nose wrinkling with her pain as she forces the words out.“I’ve never been this happy in my whole life so I can’t imagine... what the world will do to you next.”

“I came back to you.”Kara whispers.“All of those times.”She huffs and leans close enough that their foreheads touch.“Do you think I don’t get scared of losing _you_ Miss Superhero?Fighting off alien haters with a baseball bat?”

“Lucy said I can only use my gun in emergencies now.”Alex grumbles, coaxing a smile from Kara.It’s something.This is all going much better than Alex had imagined.Although, maybe she could credit some of that to the years of “foundation building” that Maggie had forced on them.Plus the therapy they both do: it helps to communicate when you know _what_ you need to communicate.“I’m still scared and I’m gonna work on that I promise but I… I need you to not play the odds ok?”

“Ok.”Kara breathes out, her face going serious again as she pulls back enough that they’re no longer breathing the same air.“Permission to speak freely Agent Danvers?”

Cute.

“Permission granted.”

“I understand that you were scared; I’ve known something was wrong for weeks now and… I wanted you to come to me so I didn’t say anything.And I watched it get worse, enough so that where before you could recognize Kalasin’s favorite’s, now you’re guessing.”

“That’s not—”

“A blame.”Kara asserts strongly, blue eyes wide and firm.“I’m not blaming you, I’m just saying that the deeper you got lost in yourself, the more you lost of _us._ You held onto things that were familiar instead of recognizing that we were changing.You stopped spending time at home—”

“That’s not fair I—”

“I am not blaming you.”Strong fingers press against Alex’s scalp and shake, Kara bringing their heads close again.“You don’t have to defend yourself; I _know_ Alex.But this is the danger of what happens when you let fear rule your life.You are so much better than that sweetheart.You’re so much stronger.”

“Says you.”

“Well I am very smart.”

Alex sniffles, wrinkling her nose as a familiar sting tingles along her face.“I was having nightmares.I almost fucked us up over _nightmares._ ”

“No.No, you didn’t.”

“Kara—”

Her words are lost in Kara’s kiss, the reassuring warmth of her fiancée pressing against her front affirming that Kara is _here_.Alex hadn’t thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to her.

“We’re ok.”Kara breathes into her mouth.“We’re going to be ok.”

It’s simple.It should be enough.Kara’s just agreed to try to be more careful but… Alex still doesn’t get it.Doesn’t understand why Kara would do something like that in the first place.

So Alex hesitates, continues.“I just… I don’t understand why you’d risk that?I mean, graffitiing a private building?With a kid Kara?That’s…”

Kara shifts, her head resting against Alex’s temple and fingers of her real hand tangling in Alex’s hair.Alex turns her face into the palm of the prosthetic, kissing the textured silicon there and laying her hand over it.

It’s enough to alleviate at least a portion of the rebuilt tension.

“So you know how Kalasin’s class is hatching baby chicks?”

“Yeah?So?”

“So… So the teacher asked the class to bring in baby photos of themselves and to ask their parents about their first day home.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah.Obviously Kally doesn’t have any and… I mean it wasn’t a _huge_ deal because I just drew her one from memory.”Alex gives a pleased hum because Kara’s become very good at making her art like like digital photography. No one probably even noticed.“But… then she asked about her birth.She said all of the other kids were talking about their families and what their daddies did when they were born and… I didn’t have anything for her you know?”

“That’s ok.”Alex quickly interjects, “we’re making new memories, right?”

And they were; they might not have the same dynamics as those other kids’ families, but they were crawling their way out from the rubble of CADMUS’ destruction.It may not look pretty to everyone else, but it was everything to Alex.

“Yeah.”Kara gently pecks her on the mouth.“Yes, we are but I just… wanted her to have a piece of herself.So I took her to where she was born and I told her what I could remember about my pregnancy; about the first time I held her.The good stuff this time,” Kara’s lips tick in a ghostly imitation of a teasing smirk.“I’ve been told I need to keep it PG.”

To be fair, Alex had said that to _Kitai,_ not _Kara._

Still, her mind has latched onto the middle of Kara’s winding explanation.Took her to where she was born?

“That building?That’s where…”

“Yeah…”Kara bites her lip.“I didn’t know the CADMUS properties had gone back on the market.Kalasin asked if we could make a good memory there, so I agreed.And we painted Rao, so—” Shaking herself Kara tries again, “Kalasin wanted there to be some light for the aliens that were lost there.”

Alex exhales slowly and gently hugs Kara against her.“I am such an asshole.”

“Yeah,” Kara sniffles, “but you’re also a really good partner and mom.”Kara giggles wetly and presses a few kisses against Alex’s neck.“And daughter and sister and Cousin-Aunt…. I got distracted.By Kalasin.I wasn’t paying attention because I was an emotional _wreck_ and… they caught us because I was distracted.You have every right to be angry with me, but… baby can you _please_ just forgive me?”

It takes a while for her question to process in Alex’s mind.For Alex to realize that she has tensed in Kara’s arms and is scarcely daring to breathe.Kara moves to pull back, but Alex wraps her up tighter, burying her face in thick blonde hair.

“You’re a good mom.”Alex chokes out, “you’re the best mom, Kara.Stitch is so lucky to have you. _I’m_ lucky to have you.I’m so sorry I was such a jerk.”

“Just talk to me next time.”Kara says softly, her own voice watery and cracking along the edges.“I know sometimes your anxiety gets really bad and you snap but you have to talk to me _before_ you get to that point ok?”

Alex nods.

“I didn’t mean it either.When I said that Kalasin was just mine.She’s ours.”There’s a brief but powerful squeeze around Alex’s ribs and she hiccups in Kara’s hair.“I swear to Rao I will never _ever_ say anything like that again.You are every bit as much of her parent as I am.”

Alex kisses her, stepping forward until Kara’s back hits a wall.And then her hands tuck under Kara’s thighs and she lifts and—it’s crazy.Feeling this intensely when they’re both crying, and their kid is literally a few rooms away, but Alex can’t help it.

She wants this.

Has wanted this.

Has wanted Kara.

God, she’d felt like she’d lost her half of her own body yesterday.Like everything good had been sucked out of the world and now its back and she just wants to bury herself in it.

Kara’s legs lock around her hips and Alex, one hand on the small of Kara’s back to steady them, buries the fingers of her free hand in Kara’s hair and tugs her head to the side, mouthing along her neck.

When Kara’s hips buck against her, she groans and pulls them away from the wall, carrying Kara unsteadily back to the couch.

“Astra will literally kill you.”Kara warns when Alex sets her down.

“It’ll be worth it.”

~*~

“I missed you.”Kara confesses later, tucked in Alex’s arms, clothing completely rumpled.Her pants are still unbuttoned but Alex has at least tugged them up so that her ass isn’t hanging out.She’s beautiful.“I know we were fighting for like… less than a day but… I missed you so much.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kara giggles, nipping at Alex’s chin.“You already apologized.We both did.”

“I’m nowhere near done apologizing.”Alex insists, pulling Kara closer and sneaking a hand under her shirt.She’ll sanitize Astra’s couch tomorrow, she mentally promises.Right now, she just wants to hold Kara.

They lay like that for what feels like hours, exchanging countless kisses and whispered words of affection.Alex gives Kara another orgasm, for once grateful that Kara knows how to be quiet.The soft sounds of Kara’s breathing, the heat from her pliant body, has sent Alex well on her way to sleep when Kara speaks again.

“It was raining.”Kara says out of nowhere.“When she was born… it was raining.But like a soft rain you know; not a storm.The doctors didn’t give me any medication because they didn’t know how it would affect her, so it was completely natural.I think maybe… if maybe she hadn’t come so quickly, they might have attempted a cesarean, but they’d tried that before and the fetus hadn’t survived.”

One arm pillowing her head, and the other wrapped around Kara’s waist, Alex tugs her fiancée infinitesimally closer.Kara still has a hard time talking about her time at CADMUS, so for the most part they avoid the topic.But sometimes it finds them anyway.

Alex busses a kiss to Kara’s forehead and rubs her hand along her ribs.“’m sorry.”

“She didn’t cry.I remember thinking that she must have died too because she didn’t cry but… she was fine.It was just… when they tried to take her out of the room, her stats dropped.Apparently… maybe, Kryptonian kids need to stay around their mother when they’re first born.”

Alex nods.“That makes sense.”

“Yeah?”

Kara’s not looking at her, but her fingers are playing with the front of Alex’s under shirt, so Alex knows she’s not completely lost in her memories.

“There are studies that support it.Even without a mother present, children are known to thrive when they feel affection: skin to skin, lullabies, kisses.Without that, they decline.It makes sense that scientists wouldn’t be willing or able to replicate those effects.”

Kara’s silent for a while and Alex lets her think.Holds her through it.

“I loved her from the first moment I held her.”Kara confesses hoarsely, “I wasn’t supposed to, but I couldn’t help it.”

“I’m glad you did.”

Kara laughs and shoves at her shoulder.“I love you.”

“I love you.”Alex says, lightly pulling Kara into a kiss.“And Stitch.I can’t wait until you’re my wife.”She pulls Kara’s hand to her mouth and kisses the ring still securely on her finger.“I can’t wait until I can say that: “my wife”.And I know that the world is a dump pile and so much bad shit can happen but… loving you—me loving you: it’s not gonna stop because you _might_ one day die before me.No matter how scared I get, I’m never gonna stop loving you.”

“I’m already yours.”Kara promises.“And, Earth may not have a 5-star review but…”Smiling, Kara pauses briefly, her bottom lip tucking under her teeth mischievously in a moment that makes Alex’s heart flip.“I’m not worried Harry…”

It’s said so softly but still brings a smile to her lips and tears to her eyes.Kara kisses the tears away and Alex remembers that day, what feels like a lifetime ago.An exuberant Linda Taylor, with brown eyes and a smile that made Alex want to not drink so much, leading an asshole Agent into an alien refugee camp.

Kara had said it was the first time she had tried to trust Alex; the first time she had tried to trust a human.

Every time Alex thinks back on the woman she had been back then, Kara reminds her that that was the woman who had made her defy her captors.

That that Alex was the woman Kara had started to fall for.

No matter how far she’s come, Kara has loved her at her worst.She should have known that Kara would never leave her.

Kara often told her that Alex made her feel safe.Alex has never felt safer than she does in this moment, eyes closed and forehead pressed against Kara’s.There’s so much that can go wrong, they’re going to need have a serious conversation about their different parenting approaches, and it will take some time before the dust really settles over this fight but… 

Alex knows she’d rather face that together than half-ass it alone.

_I’m not worried Harry…_

“I’m with you.”Alex returns softly.

~*~

When Alex leaves the guest bedroom the next morning, Astra is waiting in the living room with a glare so intense that it makes Alex stop mid step.

She seriously considers running back to Kara and safety but realizes that would just be a temporary respite.She needs to face this head on.

“Good morning Astra,” she starts, swallowing past a dry throat. “I uh, I wanted to say that I’m—”

Astra’s head swivels to the couch, eyes lighting up as she uses her heat vision to cut the sofa into a dozen randomly cut pieces.When she glares even harder the whole couch ignites and Alex jumps back, spinning towards the kitchen and the figure extinguisher when she sees Kitai.Eating cereal at the counter.

“Morning.”Kitai chirps, watching the rather erratic display in the living room.

Astra has moved on to freezing the whole thing with her breathe so Alex abandons the fire extinguisher and tries not to pee her pants.

When Astra then starts stomping on the couch and shattering the icy fragments across the floor until it’s nothing but dust… Alex wonders if it’s really all that smart of her to marry into this family.

A quick glance at Kitai shows that same bored expression.

They were crazy.

Nuts.

Astra stops her rampage to look coldly back at Alex.

“Do we understand each other?”She asks, eyes daring Alex to say something wrong.

Yes, Alex decides.She’ll take the risks if it means she gets Kara.

“Yes ma’am.”

**Author's Note:**

> … well this was just a #mood


End file.
